Chuck Norris Saves Space Puppies

Study in Chuck Norris #1: Chuck Norris Saves Space Puppies

Ultra Fine Point Pink Ink Sharpie, on Paper

Oh yes, Dan.  Karaoke for Christmas. 

Animals Versed in Martial Arts

So I know I'm a bit behind, but this post goes out to my brother, Troy.

Troy is a big fan of the animated movie Kung Fu Panda.

He is so big a fan that he occasionally will quote the movie in conversation, and then look rather dejected that I failed to identify the obscure reference.

And then he punishes me by taking odd pictures.

Not too long ago, they came out with a second Kung Fu Panda movie.

I haven't seen it yet, but suddenly I'm hungry...

 It got me to thinking, are Panda's really fit for Kung Fu, or, really, any form of martial art?

Look at that squishy body.  It's not nearly nimble enough for complicated fighting maneuvers. 

.
As a matter of fact, I think a panda's favorite pastime is eating bamboo and sitting. 

Sorry, Panda.

And sorry, Troy, but if you're looking for awesome Kung Fu, you better stick to brown bears.

 But to make you feel better, here's a kitten fighting Godzilla. 

Actually, it looks like they're trying to hug it out.  Freakin' new age Godzilla.

Paul

Ben and I went to see Paul last night. 

No, not that one. 

Is he throwing a gang sign? 

No, not that one either. 

Yes, that one! It was good!  Rated R, so leave the kids at home, but totally worth a watch.  I love Simon Pegg and Nick Frost of Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz fame- they're a great duo, and Seth Rogen as the voice of Paul is great!

Take me to your leader or the closest approximation thereof.

It follows those two Brits from ComicCom in San Diego to a road trip in a mobile home along famous alien spots, like Area 51.  They meet Paul on the way and try to help him get home.  They meet up with Kristen Wigg along the way, who is hysterical, and of course they have the government on their tail to get Paul back to the lab.  Don't worry, nobody gets probed.  ;-)



Close encounters of an extinct species. 

Get off my $#*#^#$#@ planet.

I bet dinosaurs would have totally ignored aliens.  And then the aliens got all offended, and they're like, "We're SO never coming back here without a formal invitation."  And the the dinosaurs are all like, "Rawr, grumble, rawr, screech, growl."  And then the aliens are all, "Fine.  Be that way.  We were going to tell you how to divert this huge meteor headed directly for you, but fine.  It's cool.  Hope you all don't die out and miss us.  We're out."  And then they flew away.  True story. 

Give a Hoot

Who doesn't love owls.  Not only are they scientifically proven to be made out of awesome, but they are cute, eat rodents, and deliver mail when trained properly.  So clearly, this being a blog of awesome things, I had to include owls up in here.  Here was my first attempt:

Hoot?

Have you ever seen a more pathetic looking owl?  I didn't do the poor guy justice.  He just looks so sad!  I got to thinking of Mr. Sad Owl- why would he be so upset?  Then I came up with this! 

I thought this would be a good use of Sad Owl's time. 


But how could I make this even more heart wrenching? 

Oh no!  That styrofoam cup you threw out your window made Sad Owl cry!!  You're a terrible human being!!!  Also, if you're the type of person to throw a styrofoam cup out of your car window, I'm officially banning your ass from my "blog".  Please leave now so the awesomeness doesn't make your eyes melt and brain explode. 





But then I got to thinking, if Sad Owl really was a creation of mine, would I really leave it like that? 


No, I wouldn't. 

Gnomes!

Have you seen the adverts for this new gnome movie, Gnomeo and Juliet?  It’s about red gnomes in one garden (the Capulets) and blue gnomes in the other (the Montegues), and Gnomeo and Juliet are in gnome love but they come from warring gnome families.  Did anyone bother to finish reading the play?  They’re both dead in the end!  I have reason to hope that Gnomeo and Juliet has a better ending- for one, it’s a cartoon.   

I happen to like gnomes.  Anyone remember David the Gnome?  

David riding a fox.  They were friends.  You know you would if you could. 

David and his gnome wife, Lisa.  Exchanging boogers is a customary greeting in the gnome world. 

 Or how about this?  I can still sing along! 

 

 

Troy, my brother, and I used to watch this show all the time growing up!  In the theme song it says, “And if your heart is true, then you will find them, too.”  I remember thinking that if I kept hoping and being a good person, they would show themselves to me and I could hang out with David and Lisa.  They never did.  Guess that means my heart isn’t true.  

FALSE

 

This gnome is named Alastair.  He lives in my front yard.  I painted him! 

"Hi, I'm Alastair!  Stay the %&$* off the grass!  Have a nice day!"

And I used MS Paint to "paint" this one!  Ha!  

I never was one for "scale" and "proportional functionality." 

Everybody loves gnomes!  Just check out this Di-gnome! 

"MY BEARD IS ITCHY AND I CAN'T REACH MY CHIN!"

 

And this is a portrait of Troy in his gnome hat. 

Troy.  Brother.  Enjoyed cartoons about gnomes in his youth. 

Okay, fine, and a portrait of me in my gnome hat.  

No laughing.  This is serious gnome business.